When I was married the first time, to this niave pseudoreligious girl named Dolly Spice, I remember a specific conversation I had with her regarding her faith. I asked if she could just admit that she "might" be wrong about her belief in God. I knew her answer beforehand but wanted to see if I could corner her into admitting how close minded she was. She reluctantly admitted that she wouldn't admit that she might be wrong.
The only reason I knew how she was going to answer is because I used to be the same way. I used to think that God was the answer and I made a conscious decision to disregard anything that seemed to contradict my belief. I believed I wasn't wrong to the point that I would act as if I knew for a fact that I wasn't wrong.
What a weird side effect of a faith. Especially considering the very nature of faith itself. Basically, religious faith is believing in something for which there isn't a shred of evidence. So first, you have this belief that requires the complete abandonment of logic, reasoning and critical thinking. Then you convince yourself that it's the only answer there is and that there is no way that you even might be wrong. Holy shit! The epitome of close mindedness.
What a sad place to be in. It's like having a drug problem but thinking nothing is wrong with you. Then surrounding yourself only with other drug addicts that encourage your way of life and tell you that it's the world that's got it all wrong, not you.
How many churches do you have in your town? The human race is disillusioned en masse with religion. Think of all the money wasted on wars being fought because one or both sides are religiously fueled. The dire condition of the human race is largely to blame on a pervasive lack of education. What happens when people are uneducated? They believe in ridiculous and stupid things. It's not a coincidence that the bible belt runs right through the dumbest states in the U.S. Religion is a disease for which education is the only cure.
Think, If people didn't behave in accordance with what they thought some magical sky being wanted them to do, then we'd have our bearings about things that need to be handled from an objective point of view. Moral concern would be derived from an altruistic and humanistic perspective. Not a religious one.
I'd probably still be married right now to a pretty cool chick had my plans worked out. My goal was to slowly open her eyes to a world without a god, to reality. Her dad, Glen Spice, hated me from day one, I loved it. I represented the real world that he as a christian is supposed to hate, along with everything in it. Quite the predicament for a millionaire addicted to pornography and a lavish lifestyle. In reality he's just another pseudochristain who thinks there's a god that's taken a personal interest in his life, and like all others, filters out all the doctrine of religious teaching except for those which pander to his personal interests. Pathetic more than anything.
His little girl had no clue about the world. She'd been indoctrinated and repressed her entire life by religious beliefs about sexuality, love, free thought, morals, money, our origins and just about every aspect of life. Everything she knew had been filtered through a religious lense. When we met, I thought to myself, "there's a party-girl under there, there's a sexual deviant under there, there's a free spirit and something wild under there." But whenever I tried to peel away even a tiny layer of her religious psoriasis and offer her a different perspective. It was meet with disgust and contempt. I can understand this reaction as an ex-christian. I remember feeling a sense of superiority towards non-christians. Of course, at the time I thought this feeling was wrong and that I needed to be more humble. This sense of superiority came from believing that I knew the answers to life's biggest questions and anyone who didn't believe was just foolish. When someone offered me a different perspective, I may have acknowledged its validity but would consider it wrong if it wasn't a perspective derived from a religious point of view. There was God's way or the highway.
I can't help but wonder if she'll ever wake up. Probably not and I thank my lucky stars we aren't married anymore. I think about how miserable I would be, with kids, a shitty job, bills, stale sex, a grotesquely fat wife with a mustache. Whatever the case, I feel a sense of sadness knowing she will go her entire life, like so many others, under the impression that she is having a divine experience with a deity. An intoxicating and addictive placebo nonetheless, but nothing more.
We both entered the relationship with an agenda. Hers was to sell her god to me. Mine was to show her that her product was a scam and give her a better way of life. I think of all the fun we could have had if she would've just opened her mind a little. She would've loved the life I wanted to introduce her to. It was very different than the life she planned for herself, which was a catapult straight into a cookie cutter life of agonizing boredom. She didn't know the difference as she had been sheltered her entire life and had no clue what she was missing. She only had ideas about about the life I wanted her to experience and they were prejudiced by the religious filter she siphoned everything through. She heeded the churches "warnings" against leading a "sinful" life and never dared to venture out and make up her own mind. Probably out of fear and not wanting to disappoint her god. Life is short, what a waste.
I would have loved to see her rollin' on ecstasy at a rave. She hates electronic music but there's nothing like leaning against a giant speaker blasting your body with bass as tears stream from your eyes from the vapor rub. You feel like you become one with the music. cliche, I know, but it's unreal, and as a musician I'm sure she would've loved it. I wish she could experience those rare and completely unique moments of life like that. They would blow her away. They are more transcendent and personal than anything religion could ever offer and they're real, drug induced, but real.
I did fear however that if I had succeded at helping her shed the shackles of religion she wouldn't be able to handle the freedom and spiral out of control. I've known a few religious girls that went absolutely nuts after they were set free. More power to 'em, but I didn't want Dolly to go that far. She was my wife and I didn't want to lose her. If I did I would have accepted it and let her go free. Hoping that once she was done and calmed down a bit we could then start the life she planned if that was even what she still wanted. Realizing that there's no god changes your priorities.
When we got together I wasn't as skilled at psychological seduction. I initially I got her to fall in love with me and rebel a little bit. We had a lot of dry sex before marriage *gasp* and I could see other weaknesses I needed focus on. I just didn't know how at the time so I seeded her power and she was able to reorient herself religiously and that was a barrier well beyond my skills at that time. So I kinda just gave up and lived how I wanted which seemed only to reinforce her ridiculously pious, overly conservative and prude behavior. I saw that my window of opportunity to exploit her weaknesses and strip her of the brainfuck of religion, was over. I still tried to reason with her, but to no avail. She eventually started thinking I had or was cheating on her. She had violent tantrums and the friendship dynamic of our marriage diminished until we became strangers and we divorced.
It was a relationship where I had to lie about nearly everything because she was so narrow minded. Out of the three places we lived together two of them had neighbors that smoked weed. I love smoking weed so I'd toke with them once in a while. We'd shoot the shit and we were cool with eachother. Dolly hated them all, and any association I had with them. Granted there were a couple neighbors who were shady that we both disliked. But most were pretty cool and I got along with them in a way she wouldn't allow herself to because of her religious prejudice. What a shame to disregard the majority of humanity because they don't believe in your superstition. It really keeps you from becoming socially developed.
She's been in the Air Force for some time now and I'm sure that's definitely broadened her horizons but I can guarantee she surrounded herself primarily with people who share her narrow minded way of functioning. I'm sure she looks at her peers that go to bars, party and sleep around with an element contempt and a lot of repressed jealousy. How could you not? The party/nightlife is so much fun. But again, she wouldn't know this because she's too afraid to think for herself, to doubt, think critically and god-forbid, admit that she might be wrong. Oh well.
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